my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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