We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
