How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
