We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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