i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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