I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
