at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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