That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
