So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
