Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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