OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
