D3 body, D1 cock
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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