Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
