Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
