my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
