You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
