Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
