Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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