god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
