I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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