umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
