Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
