oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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