There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
