you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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