The maid of honor just puked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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