dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
