Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
