I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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