dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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