Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
