The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
