PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
