Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i came on her dog
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
