I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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