I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
