enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
