I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
