dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
