She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
