I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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