Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
