Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
