So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
