if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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