You're completely useless in the revolution.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
