Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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