I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
