She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
