I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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