Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it glows. i had to have it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
