saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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