My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
