I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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