The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
