I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
