Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
so much tequila, so little girl.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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