dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
