I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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