And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
