she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
