Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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