I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
