sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
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He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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