I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
