Me too!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
