i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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